The Phonkers

Created by his own hard work and a lot of cold baths, this no-nonsense phonker is always up for a fight. The backbone of any phonker bag, he has trained hard and is at his physical peak. So c'mon soldier, let's do battle if you think you're up for it!

From: Fort William, Scotland

Likes: Discipline, Porridge

Dislikes: Sloppiness and Cheerios

Favourite song: Colonel Bogey

Grown on a digital horse chestnut tree somewhere in deepest north London, don't be fooled by that smiling face. This phonker is cool as a cucumber when it comes to battles. Tough but nice, she's always ready to play.

Sam Phlox is the "Bond girl" of the phonker bag. Her charm and striking good looks (see what I did there) belie an intensity and cunning that are likely to be the undoing of many a foe.

From: Barnet, London

Likes: Flowers, fluffy animals and Darma Illow

Dislikes: Elves and Colonel Klipp

Favourite song: Save your Love; Renee & Renato

Created by a mad scientist in a lab, Phrankie is a mishmash of broken phonkers, merged into one brand new, scary phonker. Phrankie knows no fear (except spiders. He really doesn't like spiders).

From: The Laboratory

Likes: Smashing things, hoovers

Dislikes: Early bedtimes and books

Favourite song: Monster Mash; Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers

Discrete, stubborn and enigmatic, Darma has the Karma to overcome many a phonker. The lothario of the Phonker family, you'll have to win a battle to reveal this romantic!

From: Venice, Italy

Likes: Fancy pants and shell suits

Dislikes: Unwanted attention and boring pants - pants are for showing off.

Favourite song: Addicted to Love; Robert Palmer

She trained for years in martial arts, and is now match fit for hitting and being hit by other phonkers. She's cool under pressure, and looks rather good in that Ninja outfit of hers designed to hide her identity.

Stealth and secrecy are the hallmarks of this premium Phonker!

From: Okinawa, Japan

Likes: Jackie Chan movies and masked balls

Dislikes: Rainbows and unicorns

Favourite song: Kung Fu fighting; Carl Douglas

His clownish appearance hides a tough, nutty, interior.

In battle, the "Major" is always looking for a chance to sneak up on his opponent for a cheeky sideways phonk, but put him under pressure and he quickly turns into a blubbering Eton Mess.

From: Basingstoke, England

Likes: Fondant fancies, flag-waving and zip-lines

Dislikes: Buses, bananas and combs

Favourite song: Back Stabbers; The O'Jays